dear Mikki and Katie….

it’s been a tough week for us in the health department at the Burse house. colds, tummy aches, hives, and general overall yuckiness has prevailed and none have been left standing. in our quest for health there have been a few trips to the doctors and one to the ER. and, i have a confession. while i have been trained severely in proper manners for a lady fit for a seat next to the queen {aka: my grandmother}, something crazy comes over me when you guys are sick and i put on my tiger suit {not the cute and cuddly one either} and armor up for battle. i morph into an entirely different person. to you both, i am the one who rubs your back and holds your hair back. i am the one who lathers you with calamine lotion, and holds you on the couch, and serves Popsicles by the bouquet. i am the one who says, “yes, i can make it all better”.

and i am very polite and kind to the doctors…at first… until they tell me the one thing all mothers hate to hear.

“…nothing to do but wait….”

when the word “wait” tumbles out of their mouth, i can feel my brain get hot and my pupils dilate.

“how long?”  {why do i INSIST on asking this question}

“oh….about 5-7 days…”

and that is when they know. the cat is out of the bag and they know that i am not the seemingly well mannered lady with two little ones, i am the savage and uncouth woman behind curtain 2 who is demanding answers and prompt resolution for your most recent ailment. WAIT?!?!?! who do they think they are talking to anyway?

because i promised you that i could make it better. and sometimes, i can’t. at least not right away. it is the hardest lesson to learn as a mother…sometimes you just cannot make it all better.

….but 98.2% of the time, i can.

all my love darlings,

p.s: daily mantra: the moment a child is born, the mother is also born. she never existed before. the woman existed, but the mother, never. a mother is something absolutely new. {rajneesh}

i am a wife first, a mom second, and a photographer third. to the everyday client, or  a top of their field business pro, this would seem like a bad thing to admit. luckily, all of my clients are extraordinary, and they get it. reality is….well, it just is. and lately, maybe i have been missing that. my career is certainly important, but most days i wake up every day to the pitter patter of tiny feet against my hardwood floors, and i am nothing more than your run of the mill, traditional, stay at home mom and wife.

i have done a lot of “jobs” in my search for the divine epiphany of life long fulfillment and satisfaction when it comes to a career. i worked as a bagger at supermarket (who hasn’t right?), i have worked in a convenient store/pizza place/ place to get beer at 11:00am on the way home from clamming the flats, i have landscaped and tended plants, i have raked blueberries and trimmed trees, i have telemarketted for a once fortune 500 company (i was shockingly good at this), i have been a jeweler, i have been an internet support technician, i have sold cell phone plans…i have sold just about everything but houses actually,  and when my husband became a computer technician for a small town, i found myself, for the very first time since i was 15 years old, without an actual “job”….and i became a stay at home mom.

now…as you might imagine, being a mom is riveting, edge of your seat excitement on a moment to moment basis. right. actually…not so much. excuse my honesty for a moment, but the every day monotony of housework and child conversation can swallow you until you find yourself, one fine day, talking to the postman in 3 year old jargon when asking for a stamp to mail  your electric bill. (luckily, my postman understands baby talk, but you get the point).  i get up every day, not as a photographer, but as a mom. and its not glamorous, and my house isn’t always clean like i wish it was, and some days, i don’t wash the floor on my hands and knees (okay, i never do this….but in case my grandma was listening from heaven…i had to say that i DO), and sometimes giving the kids a bath can only be compared to running a marathon when you haven’t carb loaded, and you stayed up too late the day before.

but the truth is…the every day…is good. it’s REALLLLY good. ridiculously delicious even. and when the pitter patter of little feet run by my bedroom door WAY too early in the morning (helloooo, when do kids start sleeping in???), i should be nothing but thankful and full of…well, pure, uninhibitted joy. because i have it all…great little girls, a super sweet hubby, amazing friends near and far, a somewhat (cough) clean house, and i have the ‘every day’ life…the clothes hanging on the line outside, the cookouts, the flu seasons, the car pool to school, the pick up the dry cleaning, the drama free and relaxing nights at home…a completely thrilling every day life….

and a dishwasher. i also have that.

Daily Mantra: “joy is what happens to us when we allow ourselves to recognize how good things really are….” {marianne williamson}

i couldn’t think of anything to write today. i thought about it all last night before i went to bed and then again when i got up to let our meowing {howling really} cat out into the garage at 2:30am. i stared at the wall next to the bed thinking about this, and about all of the other things i had to do today. i dozed finally and dreamed about a clean desk with no post it notes {love post it notes in all shapes, sizes, and colors} and no lists of venders to call, emails to send, orders to ship, more calls, more emails, more studying. it was a great dream. alas, i awoke at 5:30am to find that the pile had not only stayed there on my desk, but had given birth to babies like those furry, bizzaro creatures in the Gremlin’s movie {you have no idea what i am talking but don’t spill water on them}.  there was a time in my life when i wouldn’t procrastinate or wait until the last minute…when i would get my papers done a week before they were due, or even pay my bills a month in advance, or buy toilet paper before it ran out. i would color coordinate, and put things in pretty folders, and separate my paper clips by color.  i call this time, Amanda BC. Amanda Before Children. or life. somewhere in between conception, pregnancy brain, giving birth, and finally realizing that ‘pregnancy brain’ doesn’t actually leave after you aren’t pregnant anymore…yeah, it stays…i found myself in a cyclical procrastination pattern that can only be compared to some type of black hole out there in the universe. so today, i sat down in front of my desk, put the gate up for a while to allow for no sudden interruptions of uttermost urgency (such as…you needed another snack because the one i just gave you, Katie, was eaten by your imaginary friend), and whipped out work like a crazy woman. of course, this is last minute. as usual. i emerged from my desk with victory none the less, and a topic for today….don’t put off what you can do today, until tomorrow.

all my love darlings,

p.s. daily mantra: “a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step”….{lao-tzu}

I decided that today we would spend most of the day in. What is a girl to do in Maine when its snowy, and cold, and just…late February?

Welllll…this….

and then the “spa lunch”…peanut butter and jelly..perfect day..

Daily Mantra: “love of beauty is taste, the creation of beauty is art…{ralph.waldo.emerson}

dear Mikki and Katie…

this morning we were sitting at the kitchen table doing homework. katie, you were there…don’t worry…you were drawing spiders. {might i digress for a moment and say that you mentioned that you would like to have a pet spider, to which i said no, and for future reference, i will always say no about this pet choice of yours so please find something semi cuddly to ask for next time} anyways, we were doing homework…homework, by the way, has not gotten any more fun since i stopped doing it. but Mikki, you were completing it joyfully, and seamlessly. as we were wrapping it up, Mikki, you said something unexpectedly prfound…”mom, i want to be a teacher when i grow up because i LLLUUUVVVE to help people realize that they can do stuff.” at the time i think i said something  ridiculously unenthusiastic like “awesome”…but in my own defense i had not had my cup of coffee yet and i was still sleeping even though it looked like i was awake. {yes this is an bad excuse for not paying attention to your epiphany, Mikki, but when you are a mom you will understand} later in the day, after you had gone to school, it did dawn on me {finally} how brilliant and amazing your statement truly was. i stood in the middle of the kitchen and all the times people told me i couldn’t POSSIBLY do something flashed in front me. sometimes, i listened, and gave up. sometimes, i moved on and did it anyway. somtimes, i failed. most times, i didn’t.

girls, don’t let anyone tell you can’t do something {unless its me…haha…joke}. when it comes to going after what you love in life {whether it be teaching, or being a mom, or anything really…or loving a person even}, don’t let a single, minute thing stand in your way. ever. not even me.

all my love darlings,

p.s. daily mantra: most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be….abraham.lincoln

daily mantra: from small beginnings come great things {unknown}

…

truth. the next best thing to having your own baby is getting to be around them all the time. truth. it still isn’t easy to leave at the end of the session. and little Owen was so preciously perfect it made my depart bitter sweet. at almost 2 weeks old, he was the perfect little sleeper. i was mesmerized by his long toes and fingers, and how every little baby noise he was simply amazing {you know those sweet little semi-sleeping squeaks…sigh}. we had an awesome session and i just could not help but share a few this monday morning.

…

on a business note, my newborn casting call is currently full and i can’t thank those of you enough who have participated, or have yet to. i hope to reopen another for an older age group this summer when the weather is balmy and the light is golden, so stay tuned to the blog for that around June!

dear Mikki and Katie…

here we are…another winter school vacation. i always have there grand schemes of creative entertainment so the lack of light and cold, and general house bound desperation won’t drive us all crazy. we have done some crafts, read a lot of books, played a ton of dress up, and headed out into the blustery weather a few times for some snow stacking good times, but in the end i kind of wonder what people did without TV.

and as i sit today in front of my blinking curser trying to think of SOMETHING to right for motherly advice to you, the only thing that comes to mind is my hope that you will be way more ‘go with the flow’ than i am.

and…this was the wrong week to give up coffee, so don’t give up anything you love on a vacation week.

all my love darlings,

p.s. “the doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live.” {flora.whittmore}

i’ve seen a rich man beg
i’ve seen a good man sin
i’ve seen a tough man cry
i’ve seen a loser win
and a sad man grin
i heard an honest man lie
i’ve seen the good side of bad
and the down side of up
and everything between….

{everlast}

daily mantra:

By your own soul, learn to live
And if men thwart you take no heed.
If men hate you have no care.
Sing your song, dream your dream,
Hope your hope and pray your prayer.

{parkenham.beatty}