Fact #1: i went to work on Sunday to the beach (see above).

Fact #2: my job, aka ‘work’, is kind of a awesome (see above fact).

Fact #3: on Tuesday morning at 5:03am, as one child was eating cereal (Apple Dapples), and one was having a bottle, the OTHER one was throwing up in the toilet. this was the day i realized that yes, this is in fact, why we have Mother’s Day.

Fact #4: the face above, makes it okay that he spit up on my white couch. not just a little spit up either. a lot. all over. did i mention my couch is white? anyway…like i said, it’s okay.

Fact #5: i can’t do it all or be it all or have it all. at 31, this is an entirely new concept to me. and thinking that i can has left me feeling completely inadequate for a long time. i’m going to work on being okay with this.

like i am okay with the spit up on my white couch.

soooo….things have been busyyyyyy……

my sleep deprived self cant really remember what i have done in the last 6 weeks, but i can tell you that there is proof i was actually here.

i am posting 5 FACTS on FRIDAY  for the next few months so i can actually document, physically, my semi-consciousness:

fact 1: i know for SURE i shot a wedding two weeks after giving birth, and you know what? that was insane, but it went great!

fact 2: sleep deprivation and feeding/changing/changing again/rocking/shhh-ing the baby…. has cut out a lot of time sucking internet activities… except PINTEREST….

fact 3: i can’t wait for Maine summer days filled with THIS:

fact 4: i had to stop breast feeding William because of a very, very bad infection. after exclusively formula feeding my two girls, i was really enjoying this aspect of new motherhood and i still get sad about it every night (aren’t nights the worst for thinking thoughts?!) while i am fixing him a bottle. in the end, i knew i did all i could to breastfeed, but i still feel a great loss.

fact 5: THIS makes all of fact 4 okay:

I have been infinitely blessed this year in many ways. . . the birth of my sweet boy, the health and happiness of my family, and the continued growth and success of my little business. . . I have so much joy I  literally feel like I walk around in a bubble of warm hugs.

So, I am having a sale…and there is more to this sale than just an ordinary ticket price, so keep reading:

Session Cost: $499

Includes the following:

A custom portrait session for 2-3 hours.

A full set of digital files, in FULL resolution, that includes all of the fully edited photographs in your session with full printing rights and suggestions on where to print for the best results. Also includes a custom cd and case. (regular price $900)

1 {24 x 30} canvas OR 2 { 16 x 24 } canvases {regular price $600}

 Beautiful, luxury wrapped canvas:

Did I mention I feel blessed this year? I do.

So this year, 15% of all family session fees will be donated strait to Good Shepard Food Bank, helping families right here in Maine!

 Further Session Details: Because of my busy schedule this year and with the addition of our little one, I will not be traveling this year for family sessions. Sessions will take place in the Rumford area only. (I promise, the drive WILL be worth it). Your session even includes the shipping of products to your door…this is an all inclusive session fee! A deposit of $100 is due at the time of booking. The remaining amount ($399) is due at the time of the session. The deposit is non refundable. Rain dates will be suggested at the time of booking just in case the weather is less than favorable. I am more than happy to offer payment plans, as long as the total amount is paid in full at the time of the session. I will not be offering any other sessions lower than this price this year…these are the only available dates until 2013.

This year I will not be conducting the traditional newborn, maternity, or couple/engagement sessions (outside of my weddings clients). My goal is to photograph the family as one interconnected, complete entity from this juncture moving forward.

The following dates are available for children/family sessions:

May 6

May 27

June 9

June 10

June 16

June 17

August 26

October 20

October 21

i had to share my reality. i think so many people concentrate too heavily on what ISN’T real in newborn photography. this is what is real. mom’s call or text me heavyhearted at 10pm on the day before their sessions telling me how tired they are, how their house is messy, how the baby scratched him/herself, how they don’t think they look good in any of their clothing, how they aren’t feeling anything they expected to feel…at all…about being a new mom…

‘you are perfect. don’t worry. i will be there at 9:30′…i say.

this is my house. this is baby #3 (you would think i would have this whole housewife/photographer/mom/maid thing down, right? nope).

this is MY newborn.

i had good intentions of photographing him in LOTS of hats. LOTS of blankets.

he HATES hats. (i can’t blame him…he has great hair)

he likes ONE blanket (i bought it 3 week before his birth for $15…after spending close to $300 on other, prettier blankets)

his crib…he hates it. i hate it too. its huge.

i am still wearing my maternity yoga pants right now…this very minute. my ‘fat jeans’ fit, but they are tight even though i have lost all but 10 lbs of my 45lb maternity weight gain.

i shaved………………a while ago………….a WHILE ago.

i have cooked like ONE meal in two weeks….i love to cook so this is a big deal.

i cried watching The Office last night…at 12am (or was it it 2am? i can’t remember…it wasn’t even sad.)

this is my reality. its Wednesday (i think). 16 days later. i love it.

….and i didn’t ever have time to do anything again.

this is the first day i have actually sat down in front of my computer in about a week. a whole week. before having the baby i barely moved away from it….couldn’t live WITHOUT it. these days, correspondence is via iPhone or iPad or telepathic or even hand written letter, all from the couch or the bed, or the kitchen…baby swaddled in the crook of my arm, controlling the iPad from the counter, phone up to one ear, pacifier in MY mouth because it keeps falling out of his mouth and onto the floor.

i think back to the transition from 1 child to 2. that was tough. that was…insanity.

going from 2 children to 3 is…easier. you are already crazy, you have accepted the crazy, you may have embraced it even. sure, it frustrates you that it has taken 3 days to fold one basket of clothing, or that the beds haven’t been made for 2 weeks, or that the emails are piling up in your inbox and you know that the only time you have to respond is between the 3 and 5am breast feeding session…but you move on, oblivious to the fact that you may or may not have changed your shirt for the past 48 hours, or when the last time you even got a chance to go to the bathroom.

William is a snuggle bug. i love that. he smiles…all the time. he laughs when he pees on me (obviously this is VERY funny to him…not so much to me). he is a grunter but not really a crier unless he is REALLY hungry or really wet…is rarely quiet even when he sleeps. he dreams big. i stare it him for hours, hoping not to miss a moment of his newness. he is strong, and beautiful and perfect and life affirming. (i am pretty sleep deprived so maybe this is the haze of exhaustion taking over), but i am truly the happiest i have ever been…

ever…

in my whole life.

dear Mikki and Katie…

i am ever so close to having your baby brother (i hope it happens today, after i wash the kitchen floor). ever since i found out i was having a boy, a lot of people have had a variety of comments…all well meaning…

…finally, a boy!

…it’s about time!

…now you can be done, huh?!

…they pee up in the air, you know.

…you must be SO happy now that you are having a boy.

…it must be nice to buy blue for a change?!

like i said, all well meaning and harmless comments. most of the time i say, yes, or yup, or smile.

tuesday i was in the doctors office and admiring the fresh baby girl being passed around by all of the nurses in the office. the first time dad was beaming with an other-worldly glow that i believe is only possible after truly and completely loving something more than yourself, and a serious lack of sleep.

“what are you having?” he asked.

“a boy, but i have 2 girls, so i know what this is like too.” i said, not taking my eyes off his little pink bundle of perfection.

“ahhh…finally, huh?”

instead of my usual comment wrapped in social acceptance….”my girls are the most amazing people i know. completely. it would have been a blessing to have another, really.”

he nodded with a smile, and i knew as he passed his seemingly mammoth hand over his little girl’s full head of ebony hair that he knew exactly what i meant.

i think, if i had to sum up being a mom to a girl so far, i would say it is like looking into one of those squiggly, distortion mirrors at the circus while ice skating. a crooked reflection of your own childhood melting with your own insecurities, your own expectations, and your own twisted fairy tales…sugar coated with humor and those snapshot moments where you sound exactly like your mother (which you said you never would).

9 years ago (yes, 9 years, almost to the day), i gave birth to a little girl who i only WISH i was…with a soul i only wish i had. (not an exaggeration, Mikayla…ask anyone). i had a lot of crazy ideals about motherhood before i was actually a mother (isn’t that always the way)…but as it turns out, it’s better. it’s better than anything i had imagined it would be. and when i did it 3.5 years later, it only got more exciting and our family is now like that lumpy can of multicolored, accidentally synthesized Play-dough on the shelf in your room.

now, don’t get me wrong, i expect only similar brilliance from your brother. but i know in my heart too, that being a mom to you two will always transcend into different realms. and, yes, there will be plenty of times when we all want to pull our hair out, plenty of failures on my part, plenty of shortfalls. i’m not naive to the wicked blessings of adolescent years. i was, after all, a teenager once.

but in the space between, there is and always will be, love.

all my love darlings,

p.s.

Would you look at her
She looks at me
She’s got me thinking about her constantly
But she don’t know how I feel
And as she carries on without a doubt
I wonder if she’s figured out
I’m crazy for this girl

evan.and.jaron “crazy for this girl”

p.p.s. shopping for a boy, or ‘blue’, has been completely unsatisfying. girls get to wear so many more cool things!

to be a star,
you must shine your own light,
follow your own path
and dream your own dreams
fight the fear and darkness,
for that is when the stars shine their brightest.

{terry.pratchett}

February will be our last month as “us”. “us” meaning just the 2 of you, meaning ‘just us girls’, meaning the tight family of 4 that we have been for almost 6 years. it is the last month of uninterrupted nights, the last month where we don’t have to worry about 2-4 hour feeding schedules and nap times, and diaper changes. in March, we will become a family of 5. this unexpected, unplanned addition of your little brother will make our house seem smaller, our car  too cramped, our lives more hectic, our sleep less slept, our laundry pile significantly larger (how can that even be??), and our hearts….infinitely bigger.

i worry as a mom. i worry that our little pact of ‘the Burse Girls Club’ might disconnect some…after all, we have all done a lot of growing up together over the last (gulp) 9 years. hard to say who has grown up more….i think it might be me. i told myself from the beginning of my pregnancy that we (or i) would be ready for him when he came, but i must have been fooling myself. have i learned nothing as a mother?  you are never really ready for anything as a parent.

you just fake it with love and hope you won’t need to call in mental health reinforcements, or an ambulance in the end.

i wasn’t ready for 2, but after a year of ‘adjustment’ (adjustment = failing miserably, falling flat on my face more than i care to admit even to myself, and giving up on sanity in general) i felt more fortunate every day to have the two most loving little girls. you guys have made me appear to others like i knew what i was doing with this whole parenting thing. when…..i don’t. at all.not even a little.

i just got lucky.

so, with all this worry, i decided to take on a project for a month to capture “us” as we are now. just the every day stuff mostly…’come as you are’ style. because i know “us” will change with William’s arrival.

for the better. for the crazier. but it will change.

love always my darlings,

be silly, be kind, be honest….emerson.