February will be our last month as “us”. “us” meaning just the 2 of you, meaning ‘just us girls’, meaning the tight family of 4 that we have been for almost 6 years. it is the last month of uninterrupted nights, the last month where we don’t have to worry about 2-4 hour feeding schedules and nap times, and diaper changes. in March, we will become a family of 5. this unexpected, unplanned addition of your little brother will make our house seem smaller, our car  too cramped, our lives more hectic, our sleep less slept, our laundry pile significantly larger (how can that even be??), and our hearts….infinitely bigger.

i worry as a mom. i worry that our little pact of ‘the Burse Girls Club’ might disconnect some…after all, we have all done a lot of growing up together over the last (gulp) 9 years. hard to say who has grown up more….i think it might be me. i told myself from the beginning of my pregnancy that we (or i) would be ready for him when he came, but i must have been fooling myself. have i learned nothing as a mother?  you are never really ready for anything as a parent.

you just fake it with love and hope you won’t need to call in mental health reinforcements, or an ambulance in the end.

i wasn’t ready for 2, but after a year of ‘adjustment’ (adjustment = failing miserably, falling flat on my face more than i care to admit even to myself, and giving up on sanity in general) i felt more fortunate every day to have the two most loving little girls. you guys have made me appear to others like i knew what i was doing with this whole parenting thing. when…..i don’t. at all.not even a little.

i just got lucky.

so, with all this worry, i decided to take on a project for a month to capture “us” as we are now. just the every day stuff mostly…’come as you are’ style. because i know “us” will change with William’s arrival.

for the better. for the crazier. but it will change.

love always my darlings,

in this very digital age, it feels so good so give something real, something beautiful, and something you can actually hold in your hand as a document of your momentous, yet very short day (just a day…does it seem fair that a wedding is just ONE day after all of the planning and love that goes into it!).

these boxes, wrapped in fine linens or imported silk,  remind me of my grandmother’s paper mache box that was tucked in the back shelf of her closet. it was filled with her most treasured mementos. wedding photographs, dress lace, a curl of my fathers black baby hair in a time stained envelope, my grandfather’s World War II medals….handkerchiefs. i would go through them with my little fingers….and she would smile as she told the story of each one.

and another goody came in today….and i keep taking back out of the box to look at it….

i just LOVE this storyboard I designed for Natacha and Chris (and their sweet pup). printed on linen based Fuji paper, backed with a sturdy core, and then finished with a protective spray,  this 16 x 24 print will last for 100 years (or more!).

this was in Rachel’s parents room. i bet they pass it 100 times a day. in the bathroom next to it, one of my favorite noises. friends, bridesmaids, and bride getting ready in an organized chaos of hair spray, mascara, toe nail polish, and face powder. laughter. i found this quote to be quite fitting of a home so full of it.

Rachel’s mom made her dress…and with it hanging in the living room all I could do was stand in front of it in awe. I see plenty of pretty dresses, but somehow a handmade dress always feels more perfect. More, I feel like I should run home and learn to sew before the girls grow up so I can make theirs too. She also painted the stairwell purple to match Rachel’s wedding colors and I couldn’t help but showcase that in the shoe shot.

She wouldn’t let her walk down the isle without it being just right….

Can I just say a special thank you to the wedding party. This wedding was a very chilly day on December 10th, and in this race against the sun setting we had planned out every pose by the second. I could not have done this without an incredible group. Despite not getting above 25 degrees, with the addition of a vicious wind probably making it feel even colder, I have to say that this is one of my favorite times of year to photograph.

our 35 + emails regarding step by step, minute by minute posing, paid off…huge.

and then it was time for the fun…

Rachel quote: “Dan loves to dance…get lots of shots of him dancing.” No prob.

And so it comes to an end. The very last wedding of 2011. I have to say, this has been one crazy, beautiful, and blessed season. Being pregnant has certainly added an interesting dynamic to the whole endeavor, but I am so thankful baby William (due in mid March) and my ever growing belly were more of a welcome sight than one of “Oh my God, I can’t believe your photographer is pregnant”, thing… which I said to myself…countless times in fact…as I was driving off to photograph another wedding.

Love and Warm Wishes to all of my Beautiful Couples!!!

i thought i would end the year off with a post showing what i love to do more than anything. and i can’t think of a better bride to conclude my blogging for 2011. Kate and Jason’s wedding day was simply the best way to end my regular wedding season….the colors were vibrant, the temperature was perfect, and their family and friends made the day so warm and so inviting for all.

Kate’s sister, Madeline,  is an amazing, amazing make up artist. How lucky can a girl get!

The ceremony was at the gorgeous Red Barn on Overlook Farm. I have never seen a venue cater to a couple more elegantly, and they location is STUNNING.

I couldn’t have asked for a more fun wedding party….

Kate and Jason

The Reception:

some of my favorite bouquet shots EVER…love the girls in the background.

Kate is a ballerina (could you already tell?), so the reception was FILLED with amazing dancers and people not shy at all about showing their skills. Even the moms got in on the fun.

daily mantra:

i no longer believed in the idea of soul mates, or love at first sight. but i was beginning to believe that a very few times in your life, if you were lucky, you might meet someone who was exactly right for you. Not because he was perfect, or because you were, but because your combined flaws were arranged in a way that allowed two separate beings to hinge together.

be silly, be kind, be honest….emerson.

….peter gabriel….

sigh….i love my job.

daily mantra: what a wonderful thought it is that some of the best days of our lives haven’t happened yet….

Nicole is just one of those girls that makes everything better in the whole world. You get this instantly upon meeting her…and her fun and loving nature is one of the reasons she was surrounded with so many family and friends on her wedding day. It was great to see this couple tie the knot, and start there very happy life together.

Catholic ceremonies are a bit long, and the ring bearer thought he would catch his nap.

The wedding party was an amazing mix of friends and family.

With such a fun bunch you can see why the reception photos are so animated:

Nicole.and.Garrett

dear Mikki and Katie….

there are few things in this world that make me more proud than setting up our Christmas tree. and, although i am sure it should, it has nothing to do with religion. after 10 years of growing our family, this tree is a patchwork of our first times, our last times, our happiness and triumphs, our expansion of selves, our history as people separate and together. every ornament holds a memory as fresh as yesterday’s frost on the car window.

the star i bought at Rebecca’s in downtown Bangor the year Daddy and i had our first tree together…i was pregnant with you, Mikki. i say it every year, but that tree really was the most beautiful tree we have ever had. it was still fairly early on in our relationship, so Daddy let me buy the biggest tree on the lot. all the more pointed, the tree lot was right next to the hotel (umm…not a fancy hotel, or even a ‘nice’ hotel either) where we had lived less than a year ago. our two and a half bedroom apartment might as well have been a palace. the tree was so big it had to come up through the back steps…not an easy job. your dad just smiled and shook his head, never saying a word. but, that was the last time i got away with anything like that.

i love looking through all of the handmade ornaments that you two have created. messy marker and paint and barely distinguishable clay figures. glitter that still freckles off when coming out of the storage box every year and the sheer of Elmer’s glue is all that remains….they are perfection. it makes me sad to think of anyone who has no such mementos to hang off of their tree. they buy their fancy ornaments that look all the same, and adorn their tree with ribbons, and that is nice enough i guess. no matter how full they are they always seem empty, and a bit lonely, to me.

we moved into our house 2 days before Christmas in the middle of a snow storm, and i bought the DREAM ornament the day after when i got our tree. it was one of the last ones on the lot. even now that its been three years, it still seems like a dream that we live here. we never thought we would be able to afford our own home.

i have a lot from my own childhood as my parents have shuffled things out to make room for new memories they are making for themselves. i always look at those like my tree building foundation. i have some that i made myself, with my beloved babysitter Joyce when i was your age….all dated with a Sharpie marker. i can almost smell the homemade play-dough cooking on her stove through them. there are the ones that your Mema and i made the first Christmas we were on our own after the divorce and we couldn’t afford to buy ornaments for our tree….out of LEGS pantyhose eggs and glued fabric. Mema painted sand dollars collected from the beach the summer before and we strung ribbon from them. we made garland out of popcorn and cranberries. i don’t even remember if we had lights that year, but still, it was beautiful.

i hardly think our tree will ever make the cover of Better Homes and Gardens. but maybe it, and all the other trees out there like it, should.

all my love darlings,

…for those of us who LOVE details, this house is just filled with wonder. i could spend all day just walking around and touching the books, the knobs of the doors, and feeling the cracks of the wood. Lynsey’s family and several friends stayed at the home for a few days before the wedding, and it must have been so great to have everyone together and in one place.

i loved how every dress in the bridal party was completely different but still accented perfectly. i swear, she should be a wedding planner!

i kind of love it when my brides smile that big.

ian.and.lynsey

daily mantra: beautiful things don’t just happen. if you want something marvelous, you’ve got to make someone marvelous.