dear katie and mikki:

this isn’t really a confession…more of a statement…because a confession might mean that i’m not okay with it. but, i am.

i live in my head a lot. mostly actually. i don’t know if its from being an only child or maybe it is just a definitive part of who i am as a person. i over think, i obsess, i dream, i dream big. i dream ridiculous. when i buy a lotto ticket, i honest to goodness think i’m going to win. i wouldn’t say i am already writing the checks, but the money is on on its way to the bank, and i am preparing  a  B and H Photo and Video order of the century. i dream silly things like i have a  maid and what her name would be, and then, i dream up the excuses i would have to tell myself and to others in order to warrant the need for a maid for a 950 square foot house. i love food…i dream about elaborate meals with cheese and chocolate and pasta. sometimes, when the house is quiet and i am alone, i will let the phone ring and won’t check the caller id…i let myself imagine who it could be before picking up. i won’t check the caller id. sometimes it’s nice to be surprised, even if it is a person you know. i dream in photographs. mostly i dream in 1979 Polaroid, it’s cyan smoothness…except for the sun dust and light leaks. every photo is perfectly imperfect moments of our life together that haven’t happened yet. always Polaroid. heads accidentally cut off, off centered, Grammy Young (my grandmother was a dreadful photographer) style renderings. no photoshop…just an authentic day.

when i was training for my marathon in 2007, on those endless 15-18-20 mile runs, i would dream about becoming a successful photographer. that one dream distracted me for miles and miles.

i dreamed of you two. a lot. before i was even pregnant, after miscarriages… a heartbreak so bad that i never thought my dreams would survive.

they did.

and the misfortune of dreaming so big is some major disappointment. failure after trying to attain a dream. the still empty bank account and almost attainable lens wish list.  the days i have to eat salad or go without butter. the negative pregnancy tests. the phone calls where it is just a recording telling me my cell phone bill is late {again…sigh}, the dust on the bookcases that i won’t get around to until April {maybe}.

the payoff to big dreams? in all that time i live inside my head and think of these ridiculous, seemingly impossible life scenarios….. sometimes, after a little {or a lot} of hard work, or a little {or a lot} of luck, they actually happen. they for real happen. and for every single person who has told me that i shouldn’t dream so big for fear of life-shattering disappointment…it was that dreaming…that crazy stuff that happened in between reality and my inner ear…that really paid off.

don’t let anyone tell you that your dreams, even your biggest ones, don’t matter or won’t come true.

of course, i haven’t won the lottery yet. but money doesn’t matter as much as Polaroids.

all my love darlings,

p.s. daily mantra: imagination is more important than knowledge. (some smart guy that is probably crazier than your Mom)

dear mikki and katie…

today i picked you up, Katie, and we ran through the slushy mud-soaked snow of the grocery store parking lot. i held your body tight to my chest and felt the vibration of your cherubic giggle radiate through to my rib cage . you untied your arms from around my neck and threw them into the ice-bitten air, your fingers reaching to what seemed like the top ceiling to the sky. you never felt lighter to me. i have carried you in my arms since the day you were born, and it was as if the freedom you felt in that one, single moment made you weightless. you tossed your head back and closed your eyes and i watched your soul come up through and saturate your beautiful face. the soft curls of your hair flew all around wild and feral.

time winked, and we were inside the store. . . moment over.

there are so many peices of time that i am sure i miss because i am busy and rushing and not embracing being a mother and all of the gifts it has given me. all of the joy.

but

i

didn’t

miss

that

one.

i write these bits on my blog, and i don’t know if you will every read any of them… but if i had to pick any for you to read it would be this one post. because i could write 1,000 lessons…a million and it wouldn’t matter. in the end, it is really you two who actually teach me, who fulfill me….the most.

thank you.

all my love darlings,

p.s: daily mantra: this moment contains all moments…c.s.lewis

DETAILS

the who: This discount is for family, children, and baby sessions only.

the cost: The cost for a session is $125.00. Book any time between now and the 18th of February, and receive a 25% discount on prints, and a 10% discount on products (albums, collections, digital sets). The session MUST be booked and PAID for by the 18th of February.

OH it gets BETTER (yayyyy!!!!): If you refer a friend (0r choose to book TWO sessions in 2011), and they (or you) also book and PAY for their session fee on or before February 18th, you AND your friend receive 50% off prints, and a 15% discount on products!!!

Even Better (still more!!): Anyone who spends $1,000 or more per session will receive a complete set of full size, full resolution, full awesomeness digital files, with printing rights, with a custom cd, as well as suggestions on where to get the BEST printing.

THE NOT SO FINE PRINT: Sessions can be booked any time in 2011, but the session fee  MUST be received by February 18th, 2011 to hold your place, and to hold your very special deal. There will be absolutely NO MORE sales this year, so this is your one and only chance to get this discount. Travel fee’s will be assessed to anyone outside the state of Maine. PLEASE READ THIS PART: There is a $300.00 MINIMUM print order required for these sessions. (but you get a LOT of great stuff for that!!!)