dear Mikki and Katie…

when you are a mom, the grocery store is always an epic adventure, with nail biting moments of anxiety mixed with provocative conversation mostly surrounding the word…”no”. yesterday was no different than any other day i pack you two up in your car seats and head off to store down the road, but perhaps i am coming out of my summer wedding work coma long enough to clue in to what you say under your breath when i actually say that two letter word….

let’s start off with me telling you both that there is no word i hate more than “no”. i don’t like saying it and i definitely don’t like hearing it. in fact, i have tried my whole life to surround myself with people who say “yes”. the word “yes” has a dramatically different sound rolling off your tongue; infinitely more pleasing. that being said, i wrap myself in the word “no” daily when it comes to the task of mothering.

no, Katie, you can’t have another cookie. no, you can’t watch Milo and Otis again. no, you can’t play cannon ball by jumping off the side bar and into the couch. no, Mikki, you can’t have that doll, that bear, that pair of earrings (you don’t  even have pierced ears so what is the point?!!!), or that Power Wheels Barbie car (why? well, because my dad never let me have one). no, you can’t touch that…it’s hot. no, you can’t breathe underwater. no you can’t. no…really…you can’t. FINE….go ahead and try. you do, and 10 seconds later you are crying, Katie. i feel like i somehow dared you to do it so i suck at being a mom…but no, this is now a tested fact, you CANNOT breathe underwater.

so yesterday, as we were all in the grocery store- in the cereal isle to be more precise, you guys run up to me with your most adorable grins and a magical box of none other than Lucky Charms. don’t get me wrong girls, i am not an all organic mother…i will on occasion break for that box of sugary, ridiculously overpriced cereal. i’m not above it. sure, i try to push the fruit or yogurt on you first, but i have actually said yes, many, many times to these types of things. yesterday though, i was actually present in body and mind, and said “no” to Lucky Charms. not for your health, girls…not even for you teethe.

“no, Mikayla. i refuse to buy a box of cereal where it only gets half eaten and then sits in the cupboard after it is stripped of its marshmallows.” i could feel my own mother seeping out of my pores, and my mind floated back to not a month ago when i was cleaning out the lazy susan and found not one, not two, but THREE half empty boxes of Lucky Charms; the soft, teeth rotting “charms” gobbled to the last nibble. all that was left was the unlucky part of Lucky Charms.

“that isn’t fair, Mommy…we never get what we want!” your voice bellowed around your body as you walked (stomped) away to put it back and pick a more appropriate cereal that would meet my approval.

we left the grocery store (with no cereal at all, mind you), both of you with pouting faces, and me in the inevitable bad mood that comes from not only having to fight with you both, but having to say the word “no”, and then having to pay for all the items in the end.

as i unpacked at home, you had both moved on to bigger and better things, and i was still simmering in my own thirsty thoughts. fair?! FAIR?!?! i had been up since 1am working on a wedding, i had done so much laundry i think the drier was actually moaning near the end, i had cleaned the bathroom, done the dishes, sewn a button (okay…so i love sewing buttons, it gives me such a peaceful feeling…buttons….i’m a dork…sorry), and did i mention i cleaned the bathroom! fair?!

life.isn’t.fair.

i sat cross legged in the middle of the kitchen floor and patted the cat as she rubbed against my knees. you two were laughing down the hall in your bedroom. the sound tickled and pulled my mood into smiley faces again. yes, life isn’t fair. not one bit.

but, its still good.

great even.

all my love darlings,

mommy

p.s.  daily mantra: “goodness is the only investment that never fails” {henry.david.thoreau}

words cannot begin to express how excited i am about my 2010 couples. yet again, i feel blessed with amazing brides, all unique and amazing in their own ways, and next year promises to be diverse and magical. i was so glad to meet up with natalie and kier, an August wedding couple for next season, on probably one of the last days we will have such warm sunshine here in Maine. they are such a genuine and beautiful couple, inside and out, and i can’t wait until next summer!

Andover is a beautiful little town just 15 minutes from my home…tucked securely under a belt strip of mountains, all glowing with fall color.

{i.love.love}

daily mantra: love is not about finding the right person, but creating a right relationship. It’s not about how much love you have in the beginning but how much love you build till the end….{unknown}

dear Mikki and Katie….

one day, when i finally let you, you will leave the front door of our house, step off the very last step, and walk your own path…your own journey. {yes, i am currently searching desperately on EBAY for the magic potion that will make you want to stay at home with your mama for the rest of your life, but i have yet to find a seller with reliable  feedback} therefore, i feel the need to prepare you for this journey, and in many ways, your Daddy and i do that every single day in little ways that even we, ourselves, are not even cognizant of.

on this journey to find yourself…to find your own path, there will be times when you feel completely isolated and alone. and yes, that very feeling is actually part of finding out who you are and what you are capable of doing.  and, just talking from experience, know that your search for who you genuinely are never really ends. ever.  more importantly, know that whatever metaphoric or literal avenue you take, you can always come home.

all my love darlings,

mommy

p.s: warning: as a hormonally wretched pre-teen and teenager you will float in and out of spiritual enlightenment…thinking one day that you know completely everything there is to know about the world {i say ONE day, but when you are an adolescent a lot of “one days” will be lumped together into several, so you will feel infinite intellectual illumination for approximately 1, 095.7266 days give or take} and the next day you may fall flat on your face and not understand anything.

p.p.s: daily mantra….”whether we realize it or not,we are always on a spiritual journey- even when we feel most lost”…{post.secret}

as an  on location photographer, i have come to expect a certain amount of surprise and adventure. every time i close the door in my car and head down the road to my next session, there is still a lump of excited nervousness, and a hint of the unknown. but, my day with the McNally’s went above and beyond my greatest expectations: complete with a long road trip, vibrant foliage,  beautiful young families, and even some goats….

you may recognize of few of these kiddos, as this family was one of my very, very firsts when i began my photography business. . .it is always amazing to see how families grow and change over just a year….

especially this little angel….

the boys sporting their tattoos. . .

day at the farm complete with a tractor ride….

miss mia is the youngest in the family…and like most people, she finds my sense of humor extremely entertaining…

her handsome brothers….

and some more adorable fresh faces…

after our time at home, we headed to the farm down the road….

it had been a long, fun day…full of adventure, family, and photographs…

daily mantra: the family is one of nature’s masterpieces….{george.santayana}

daily mantra: once in a while, right in the middle of an ordinary life, love gives us a fairy tale…{unknown}