{the.wednesday.whistle}

dear Mikki and Katie…

when you are a mom, the grocery store is always an epic adventure, with nail biting moments of anxiety mixed with provocative conversation mostly surrounding the word…”no”. yesterday was no different than any other day i pack you two up in your car seats and head off to store down the road, but perhaps i am coming out of my summer wedding work coma long enough to clue in to what you say under your breath when i actually say that two letter word….

let’s start off with me telling you both that there is no word i hate more than “no”. i don’t like saying it and i definitely don’t like hearing it. in fact, i have tried my whole life to surround myself with people who say “yes”. the word “yes” has a dramatically different sound rolling off your tongue; infinitely more pleasing. that being said, i wrap myself in the word “no” daily when it comes to the task of mothering.

no, Katie, you can’t have another cookie. no, you can’t watch Milo and Otis again. no, you can’t play cannon ball by jumping off the side bar and into the couch. no, Mikki, you can’t have that doll, that bear, that pair of earrings (you don’t  even have pierced ears so what is the point?!!!), or that Power Wheels Barbie car (why? well, because my dad never let me have one). no, you can’t touch that…it’s hot. no, you can’t breathe underwater. no you can’t. no…really…you can’t. FINE….go ahead and try. you do, and 10 seconds later you are crying, Katie. i feel like i somehow dared you to do it so i suck at being a mom…but no, this is now a tested fact, you CANNOT breathe underwater.

so yesterday, as we were all in the grocery store- in the cereal isle to be more precise, you guys run up to me with your most adorable grins and a magical box of none other than Lucky Charms. don’t get me wrong girls, i am not an all organic mother…i will on occasion break for that box of sugary, ridiculously overpriced cereal. i’m not above it. sure, i try to push the fruit or yogurt on you first, but i have actually said yes, many, many times to these types of things. yesterday though, i was actually present in body and mind, and said “no” to Lucky Charms. not for your health, girls…not even for you teethe.

“no, Mikayla. i refuse to buy a box of cereal where it only gets half eaten and then sits in the cupboard after it is stripped of its marshmallows.” i could feel my own mother seeping out of my pores, and my mind floated back to not a month ago when i was cleaning out the lazy susan and found not one, not two, but THREE half empty boxes of Lucky Charms; the soft, teeth rotting “charms” gobbled to the last nibble. all that was left was the unlucky part of Lucky Charms.

“that isn’t fair, Mommy…we never get what we want!” your voice bellowed around your body as you walked (stomped) away to put it back and pick a more appropriate cereal that would meet my approval.

we left the grocery store (with no cereal at all, mind you), both of you with pouting faces, and me in the inevitable bad mood that comes from not only having to fight with you both, but having to say the word “no”, and then having to pay for all the items in the end.

as i unpacked at home, you had both moved on to bigger and better things, and i was still simmering in my own thirsty thoughts. fair?! FAIR?!?! i had been up since 1am working on a wedding, i had done so much laundry i think the drier was actually moaning near the end, i had cleaned the bathroom, done the dishes, sewn a button (okay…so i love sewing buttons, it gives me such a peaceful feeling…buttons….i’m a dork…sorry), and did i mention i cleaned the bathroom! fair?!

life.isn’t.fair.

i sat cross legged in the middle of the kitchen floor and patted the cat as she rubbed against my knees. you two were laughing down the hall in your bedroom. the sound tickled and pulled my mood into smiley faces again. yes, life isn’t fair. not one bit.

but, its still good.

great even.

all my love darlings,

mommy

p.s.  daily mantra: “goodness is the only investment that never fails” {henry.david.thoreau}