dear Mikki and Katie…

at the end of my dreams or nightmares i always hear the same laughter echoing, rattling in my inner ear…it vibrates down into my rib cage and wakes me from my slippery slumber. always…whether i am a carefree flying spirit soaring high above the clouds, or desperately clinging to the side of the granite slabs that lead out to the Rockland Lighthouse during a hurricane, with waves beating against my back, threatening to swallow me into the ocean forever. the laughing has occurred in every dream for 6 years.

i dream.

a lot.

this laughter is my miracle. it breathes sweet reality into my nightly, dark abyss.

i remember when i first heard you laugh, Mikki. you were bouncing on your daddy’s lap, and you let out a surprisingly deep, but tiny giggle. that moment… that laughter, exploded through my body and sent water welling up into my tear ducts and flowing down my cheeks. the perfect moment of parenthood for me, was not he sound of you crying on the day you were born, but the sound of you laughing for the very first time. and for some reason {i don’t dare ask for fear it will disappear forever} it has been in every subconscious, nocturnal exploration since.

life is full of miracles. sometimes, they are big and obvious, like finding your true and complete love, or the birth of your child, or the fact that you got a B+ on that Biology test you TOTALLY didn’t study for. sometimes, they are fragile and fleeting…like the whisper of warm wheat in an August field, or licking the last of the brownie batter off your grandmother’s wooden spoon, or even a first laugh that is only first once and only once. miracles are everywhere. they are in your fingers, at your side, in your backpack that you take to school….

they are….you. you are a miracle, girls.

all my love darlings,

mommy

ps. daily mantra: “i am the miracle.” {buddha}

on Saturday morning I woke up to a shocking surprise. something beyond comprehension in the realm of my wedding season. something…..bright. it was the sun. after a very rainy spring and summer, the fall had blessed Jamie, Shane, and {ME} with the warmth of its presence.  Jamie and Shane met over 7 years ago, so their relationship is proof that love works and perseveres through it all…through growth and change, college and jobs, good times and bad. i could not think of a better way to end my wedding season this year, than with this amazing couple.

i just loved their stunning rings….simple but all about them…

every detail of this wedding was perfection…right down to the shoes….

not everyone was happy to see Jamie married off…

gorgeous flowers…calla lilies are my absolute favorites!

{the.ceremony} took place in probably the most gorgeous church i have ever been in. Moody Memorial Church is the place that Jamie dreamed of getting married since she was a little girl….i can definitely see why…stunning frosted and stained glass windows from floor to ceiling, the smell of mahogany intertwined with old paper and books….it was heavenly.

Jamie and Shane had such an amazing wedding party….up for anything!

you guys know how much i love animals so when i heard that Remington, Jamie and Shane’s puppy, was at the wedding, i couldn’t resist getting a few shots with him too. the other pup belongs to bridesmaid, Carolyne, and is Remi’s brother… i LOVE puppies….

{jamie.and.shane}

one last {wedded} kiss of the season…..

daily mantra: ” a jouney of a thousand miles begins with a single step”….{lao.tzu}

dear Mikki and Katie…

as your mom, i feel it imperative that i tell you one thing about myself that i am sure you have already figured out in your short 6 and 3 years on this planet. ready for it? i am AWFUL at keeping things in perspective. awful. this summer has been filled with nothing but examples of this obvious fact and/or personality deficit.

{just a sample of things that might send me over the edge are as follows…}

the dishes not done by 3pm, the fact that laundry is piled up in the cellar and we might have to go buy a whole new wardrobe tomorrow if i don’t get to it, shoes on the wrong feet, the cat knocks over a glass of water, crayons braking, i forgot to buy milk at the grocery store twice…in the same day, i didn’t get all the editing i wanted to get done today {or ever!}, noggin seems to be out for some reason {a near epic tragedy if you ask me}, the cake fell, you both got dirty playing in the sand box when you decided to combine the pool AND the sand to make a ‘faux beach’ in the back yard, i forgot to bring my lucky hair tie to my session {yes…i have one…}; i get upset over the fact that i get upset at everything and that upsets me more….the list goes on {and on…believe me}.

there might not be hope for me girls, as i can feel the last shreds of my sanity dissolving away in the dish soap i am using to get the chocolate milk out of the fibers of my most precious couch that i have had since before i met your father….but alas, there MIGHT be hope for you. my advice: frame every so-called catastrophe with this question:  “in five years, is this REALLY going to matter? ”

the answer will almost always be………..no.

no..it doesn’t. not the dishes or the laundry, or the editing or the back yard beach, or even the spilled chocolate milk {because by then, i might get a new couch…yay!!}

deep breath…..{and scrubbing}….and 5 years of perspective.

all my love darlings,

mommy

p.s: daily mantra: concentration is the ability to think about absolutely nothing when it is absolutely necessary…{ray.knight}

p.p.s: i love my couch…no more milk in the living room.

daily mantra: “the little things? the little moments? they arn’t little.” {john.kabat-zinn}

daily mantra:
hope is the word which God has written on the brow of every man….

{victor.hugo}