Katie was born after about 13 months of trying to conceive, and a life altering miscarriage with twins. My miscarriage profoundly morphed how I saw the world; it changed my relationships with people around me, my views on motherhood, and perhaps most of all, my connection with womanhood. There is nothing that brings you closer to your own body than carrying and giving birth to a child, and I remember feeling angry that my body had failed me so deeply during probably its most important task. Even after over 3 years, I can still remember the tear that fell down the sonographer’s face before she told me that she didn’t see any more movement or heartbeats. I can remember the echo of her quivering voice in the big, sterile hospital room. At first, there were calls and letters and flowers of condolence, but after couple of weeks there was silence, and I was left alone to deal with the emptiness. Even with my most supportive husband, this was something that I truly believe is a battle within yourself. And while the scars are always there, the good news is that time actually has healed so much of my heart, and so much of my belief in this world. Katie, of course, has helped…despite her one year of colic (not an exaggeration) and her relentless desire to crush all of her Cheerios into my beautiful, hand woven rug.
You heal…you do…I was as surprised as anyone.
A few months ago, my friend Misty was told that her unborn son Issac had a life ending birth defect called Anencephaly. During those months, I have watched her heart breaking as she continued to carry this child courageously as far as she possibly could. I have watched her keep her family together, somehow continue with everyday life, prepare for her child’s burial and remembrance service, and keep her faith in God…something I still struggle with after my loss. Tomorrow, she will give birth to Isaac Brighman Nielson at a little less than 34 weeks, and she will feel a pain that can’t be hugged away or bandaged or even medicated. And even though I have no words of wisdom, I can tell her that I love her, and I am praying for her, and that every day your heart will heal just a tiny bit more than the day before.
And amazing blog readers, if you have a quick minute tomorrow, could you please think of her and keep her family in your heart….I know she would really appreciate that, and I know that she really needs it.
You can also visit her blog and read her story and journey here: http://mylesstraveledroad.blogspot.com/
daily mantra: healing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if we have to dig a little to find it….{tori.amos}
by amanda.b.
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