dear Mikki and Katie….
i felt embarrassed walking up to the librarian’s desk with it in my hand. seriously…who checks out the book “What to Expect When You’re Expecting” when you aren’t actually expecting? my face was flush as I handed her the book. she smiled at me sweetly, and asked “Oh how exciting! When are you due?” i looked blankly at her; i thought about lying to her for a brief moment and giving her some false due date in the dream of hypothetical i live in. thinking that somehow it might vex me and my future fertility, i told the truth. “I’m not actually,” i stayed to the point and didn’t elaborate. she looked at me questioningly, but said simply “Oh”, and handed me the book. when Daddy arrived home from work and saw me pouring over the beginning pages, he laughed at my eager hope for preparedness.
a month later when the 2 pink lines appeared on the white stick, he wasn’t laughing anymore.
when we called our parents, i honestly think they were skeptical at our naive parental optimism. after all, I was about to enter my 3rd year of college, Dad was still in college, we were living in the city, and we didn’t have any money. the “what are you thinking?” question was never actually said, but definitely implied. i was 23, so i knew everything there was to know about everything, just like I do now. plus, I had read the book.
the trip the library, and the 2 pink lines (okay…more like 6 lines and a plus sign because I took 4 tests to make sure) , was just the beginning of your story, Mikayla. two days from now, you will be SIX years old. how did that happen? six years ago on a snowy April day, we brought you home to our little apartment in the city, and we started our life as a family. and ever since that day, i have gotten to walk around the earth knowing that i helped bring the most sweet, caring, and loving little girl into the world. happy birthday, baby.
all my love darlings,
p.s. sorry katie…i will make it all about you on your birthday.
p.p.s. daily mantra: “half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save”…..{will.rogers}
by amanda.b.
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