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dear Mikki and Katie….

it’s been a tough week for us in the health department at the Burse house. colds, tummy aches, hives, and general overall yuckiness has prevailed and none have been left standing. in our quest for health there have been a few trips to the doctors and one to the ER. and, i have a confession. while i have been trained severely in proper manners for a lady fit for a seat next to the queen {aka: my grandmother}, something crazy comes over me when you guys are sick and i put on my tiger suit {not the cute and cuddly one either} and armor up for battle. i morph into an entirely different person. to you both, i am the one who rubs your back and holds your hair back. i am the one who lathers you with calamine lotion, and holds you on the couch, and serves Popsicles by the bouquet. i am the one who says, “yes, i can make it all better”.

and i am very polite and kind to the doctors…at first… until they tell me the one thing all mothers hate to hear.

“…nothing to do but wait….”

when the word “wait” tumbles out of their mouth, i can feel my brain get hot and my pupils dilate.

“how long?”  {why do i INSIST on asking this question}

“oh….about 5-7 days…”

and that is when they know. the cat is out of the bag and they know that i am not the seemingly well mannered lady with two little ones, i am the savage and uncouth woman behind curtain 2 who is demanding answers and prompt resolution for your most recent ailment. WAIT?!?!?! who do they think they are talking to anyway?

because i promised you that i could make it better. and sometimes, i can’t. at least not right away. it is the hardest lesson to learn as a mother…sometimes you just cannot make it all better.

….but 98.2% of the time, i can.

all my love darlings,

p.s: daily mantra: the moment a child is born, the mother is also born. she never existed before. the woman existed, but the mother, never. a mother is something absolutely new. {rajneesh}

dear Mikki and Katie….

i couldn’t think of anything to write today. i thought about it all last night before i went to bed and then again when i got up to let our meowing {howling really} cat out into the garage at 2:30am. i stared at the wall next to the bed thinking about this, and about all of the other things i had to do today. i dozed finally and dreamed about a clean desk with no post it notes {love post it notes in all shapes, sizes, and colors} and no lists of venders to call, emails to send, orders to ship, more calls, more emails, more studying. it was a great dream. alas, i awoke at 5:30am to find that the pile had not only stayed there on my desk, but had given birth to babies like those furry, bizzaro creatures in the Gremlin’s movie {you have no idea what i am talking but don’t spill water on them}.  there was a time in my life when i wouldn’t procrastinate or wait until the last minute…when i would get my papers done a week before they were due, or even pay my bills a month in advance, or buy toilet paper before it ran out. i would color coordinate, and put things in pretty folders, and separate my paper clips by color.  i call this time, Amanda BC. Amanda Before Children. or life. somewhere in between conception, pregnancy brain, giving birth, and finally realizing that ‘pregnancy brain’ doesn’t actually leave after you aren’t pregnant anymore…yeah, it stays…i found myself in a cyclical procrastination pattern that can only be compared to some type of black hole out there in the universe. so today, i sat down in front of my desk, put the gate up for a while to allow for no sudden interruptions of uttermost urgency (such as…you needed another snack because the one i just gave you, Katie, was eaten by your imaginary friend), and whipped out work like a crazy woman. of course, this is last minute. as usual. i emerged from my desk with victory none the less, and a topic for today….don’t put off what you can do today, until tomorrow.

all my love darlings,

p.s. daily mantra: “a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step”….{lao-tzu}